When the mom guilt consumes you


Personally I think I have been the unluckiest person when it comes to the 8-5 grind. I compare myself to friends from university and from where I’m sitting, it feels like I’m three steps behind everyone. After leaving my last job, I did a lot of soul searching regarding where I see myself in a career. I don’t know why or even how it came about that I ended up studying and finishing my degree in Human Resources. I’m an introvert and on top of that a pessimist, therefore it becomes challenging to see the positive of things when you’re constantly dealing with all the nitty gritty of an organisation.

Finally I’ve found something I like doing in the Human Resources field, that doesn’t drag me down. But it’s coming with a hefty price tag.

There isn’t money to be made on the East or South side of Johannesburg, as payscales differ immensely from what someone with the same job description is earning for example in Sandton. Now, I’m working in Bryanston. Which from home is a 45km commute to and from work on a daily basis.

If I’m lucky I get to see my girls for maybe two hours at night. In between cooking and dishes and prepping meals and school bags for the next day. What happens to me time and relaxing? That unfortunately isn’t bestowed on a mother. And on a weekend? With shopping for the coming weeks food and maintaining a fit body, I’m becoming increasingly guilty of not spending enough quality time with my girls. What are they going to remember me for? The mom who drops them off and just goes through the motions of getting everything done so that I can get a few hours of sleep before the whole routine starts again in the morning.

With sitting in traffic with rude drivers I am so scared that I’m going to become the shouty mom who takes her frustrations out on her kids. Then I’ll be the mom who never appreciated the little nag of a little girl who just wanted to tell me about her day at school.

I’m feeling like I’m missing out on little things with my monsters. And with limited time spent with them is it really enough? Will they grow up thinking that I neglected them or that I was selfish following my passions and dreams or will they think that mom followed her passions and dreams in order to provide and give them a chance in life?

I guess only time will tell what they make of me. So for now, I’ll cherish the quiet and sometimes crying moments at night when they wake up for comfort and a cuddle even if it results in a stiff neck the following day. Because I’ve been blessed with two kind and strong little girls who are only lent to me for a short time in life before they become someone elses.


The last 30 days of Well I Am


Today marks the very last month of the Well I Am Challenge. There is 30 days left before we have to submit our final stats and after photos.

The past week has been a bit lacking concerning my training with my husband travelling quite a bit and an eventful weekend with the lovely ladies from Zana Products.

There has been a few rough days during the past month, where I found it very difficult to maintain and push through my workouts. Generally because I know that I have no upper body strength so I don’t look forward to my chest workouts. One specific day I halfway through my exercise routine with no more energy left to go on, I actually got sick (because my sugar started dropping). I went to the bathroom and gave myself two options, either I sit there crying feeling sorry for myself or, I can sit for a while until I feel better and go finish that workout. I chose the latter. I’ve thought of myself as a failure for a very long time and I’ve made my decision to not put myself down anymore. My motivation has to come from myself if I want to succeed at whatever I attempt to do. That also keeps me accountable for my actions. So far, that is what I’ve been doing. Diet wise, I’ve let the ball slip once or twice over a weekend. I don’t pig out on the usual pizza or pasta, rather taking what is considered an unhealthy meal and replacing it with healthier alternatives. I’ll post a recipe of my version of the Seared Mediterranean Fillet from Primi later this week.

My online trainer is sending me my last change of routine later this week. If I thought she was whipping me into shape these past 69 days, I think I’m in for a major surprise for the last 30.

Here’s to a healthier fitter me during the last 30 days! In the end it will only be to my benefit.

On my third Mothersday


I am a member of a very popular Facebook Mommy group and yesterday made me so sad to even scroll through my newsfeed. The things I read was truly awful. I get that for a lot of women it is a platform to vent as most women can vouch that you lose a lot of friends when you fall pregnant.
Reading stories of husbands who won’t wish their own wives a Happy Mothersday but will walk up to their mom and wish them well. That’s crap and I feel deeply sorry for you, especially for a Mom who’s lost her own mom and it’s her first Mothersday without her mom. But as one lady aptly pointed out, Mothersday is supposed to be about colourful macaroni necklaces, handmade cards and tight hugs from your kids. If Mothersday is all about a gift for you, I think you’ve lost sight of what it really is about. You have birthdays and other occasions where the day is all about you.
Appreciate your children in that moment, the love and joy that they really bring you. Irrespective of the late nights of teething or aching tummies, the terrible tantrums. Because time flies, they won’t stay this small forever and then you’ll look back and regret that you sulked over a Mothersday present where you could have spent time making memories even if it was making French toast with your last four eggs and the cut offs from the loaf of bread in the cupboard.

I hope your Mothersday was spent with the people you love and that you truly felt appreciated.

Mothers day traditions

As a child I can’t think that we actually had a set tradition that we followed to celebrate our Mom on Mothers day. Our tradition probably progressed as most traditions do, starting with a hand drawn picture to a jewellery bowl made from clay (one my mom used for a very long time and then it eventually crumbled) to breakfast in bed or an improptu flower arrangement from the garden because we forgot and then to more expensive gifts because we could save pocket money to buy something for her. Come to think of it, we neglected my mom in this sense.

So, to save your mom from the same fate as our mom, I’ve come up with a few ideas for you to do around Johannesburg and Pretoria.

1. Irene Village Market


The Irene Village Market now has a brand spanking new venue after 27 years. It has moved from the old premises to The Big Red Barn (if you’re a cyclist worth your salt, you’ll know all about this venue). They are hosting a market this Saturday, 7 May 2016 from 09:00 to 14:00. Swing Party Band will be performing, so grab a bite to eat let mom relax and sneak off to buy her a present from one of the craft exhibitors.
2. Venue Nouveau & La Farm’e Barn


This lovely little gem hidden in Zwavelpoort, Pretoria will be hosting a Vintage Picnic. Starting at R165.00 per person you will receive a basket filled with yums. You are to provide your own drinks and glasses. Booking is essential, you can contact Riana at 084 447 5364.

3. Great Burger Co.


Great Burger Co. will be giving moms a meal they don’t have to cook. Mom can enjoy a burger up to R150, minimum table of 4 patrons apply. Phone beforehand to book a table at your desired restaurant.

4. Milla Mae image

Sweet Stationary

If you’re mom is a stationary lover, doodle bug or maker of notes, why not visit the Milla Mae online shophttp://millamae.co.za? They’ve got designs for everyone and are offering 25% off your order valid until 11 May 2016, excluding shipping.

5. Janine Binneman Jewellery

Janine Binneman Jewellery has a few items available to ship immediately for the last minute shoppers. You can visit her Facebook Pagehttp://facebook.com/janinebinnemanjewellery/ for more details.

And if you’ve really really left it until the last minute, there’s always to good old Woolworths for a bunch of flowers and a quick gift.

Happy Mothersday all!

The embarrassment of the terrible two’s (Part 2)

Let’s continue where I last left the original post. If you missed Part 1, you can have read here.

We are still stuck at this extreme tantrum stage. Look, I have come to realise that at the age of two it is very difficult to verbalise and explain the emotions that you are experiencing at that point in time or the irritation that you feel of not having the same cup for juice as daycare, but it does not make my two year old’s emotions any less than when I get upset about something. Therefore the tantrum if mommy or daddy cannot understand what “aguila aguila” means or why the pizza isn’t green, is bound to happen. Don’t ask about green pizza’s though, I can confirm that luckily it isn’t mould ridden food.

Our trip to Cape Town, actually went surprisingly smooth. Tatum and Tanielle were both absolute dream children on the aeroplane. So much so, that we even got a compliment from a fellow passenger. Yeah us! But that was short lived until the Friday after our annual photoshoot. Tatum was fine during the photoshoot, the proverbial disaster hit when she wanted something in the display at the tills (once more all stores, PLEASE take a leaf from other stores and remove your sweets from the queue at the tills) and it all went downhill from there. Resulting in a 20 minute meltdown that felt closer to eternity. Nothing, absolutely nothing calmed Tatum down and the only thing I could do was to let her have her meltdown. From a lot of research and reading, one of the tips to tame tantrums was to set boundaries. Believe me when I say Tatum knows her boundaries, she can recite them very quickly for you depending on the situation. Even that tip flew out of the window. Showing her kindness and love also wasn’t working as she pushed my husband as well as me away from her and turned into a green, angry Marvel character. I went into survival mode and just ignored her tantrum. Judge away all you want, the people in the queue already did. So for you judgmentals  that were standing in that queue with your stupid remarks, don’t you dare infringe your parenting advice on me. What works for me as a parent and my children might not be applicable to you, but it is to me. And then to the judgmentals with no children who gave me “the look” you out of all people do not dare judge if you do not have children of your own. Remember me the day your children do exactly the same thing.

Unfortunately, the terrible two’s have been trial and error for my husband and I. Therefore I can’t even give meaningful advice on this subject, but hopefully the universe will spare us the same fate with Tanielle when she becomes “of age” (well here’s hoping). So for now, we will just have to bite the bullet and suck each and every meltdown up.

Well I Am Challenge – 50 days DONE!

Finally we’ve reached the halfway milestone with the Well I Am Challenge. Wednesday marked exactly 50 days, and only 50 remains.

The past month and a half has really been a rollercoaster ride of up and down. I reached enormous highs as well as some setbacks. When I started my training programme, I battled through 4 sets of deadlifts. I barely managed to lift 7kg. My legs were shaking like Autumn leaves, through every rep that I mustered the courage to do. My biggest achievement for my training programme so far is that I can do a 40kg deadlift. Yes, 40kg! And that’s excluding the weight of the bar. For me that has been my proudest moment so far.

I’ll be really honest, I’ve always struggled and fought the weight battle. All through my teenage years and even university. I’ve never thought of myself as super skinny or thin. The number on the scale has always been the number I measure my happiness with. But, weight is so much more than the number on the scale. There is body fat ratio and lean body mass, things I have never taken into consideration when I look at the number on the scale. My eyes and mind has been opened up to nutrition and exercise in a healthier way. I got highly upset because after 30 days, I had only lost one kilogram and it annoyed me so much. Why after eating so well and sticking to my diet had the number on the scale only decreased by one? So I sent my fitness coach a message and she had a good stern talk with me. At first I was a bit upset, but after thinking about what she had told me I sucked it up and continued.
You cannot base your happiness on the number on the scale. And this was proven when I went for my halfway mark check-up at the biokineticist. The number on the scale might have been standing still, but other measurements were dropping. I got a little excited when the biokineticist started measuring my thigh and without looking at the number on the calipher he said that my thighs have decreased a lot. After he had put all the measurements into the system the results were amazing. I had lost 4% of body fat and my lean body mass had gone up by 1%!!! You know you did good if your fitness coach sends you a voicenote to explain how happy she is with your results.

Dieting has really been an uphill battle for me. Not because my diet is difficult to maintain, more because of myself. I have a bad sweet tooth and temptation is everywhere, especially if you have a small home based baking business. It’s taken a lot of willpower to stick to my diet amd not fall back into bad eating habits. I’ve had a cheat day or two where I’ve given my diet the old finger, but come the next day I can feel the results of eating bad. Mainly struggling to get through a workout because I feel sluggish or difficulty concentrating. It’s come to a point where I am becoming to feel guilty if I cheat on my diet. But, most of our cheat meals my husband and I have revamped to either cut out processed carbs or replaced them with vegetable alternatives.

My fitness coach has sent me my second month training programme and I can tell you, my ass will be on fire for the next four weeks! I’m excited for the results that the next 50 days will bring!