Sometimes it feels like you can conquer Everest without even preparing for it and on other days it feels like you can just pull the duvet over your head in the hopes that your bed will swallow you in.
I’ve struggled with depression for the most part of my teen and adult life. Without going into major detail there has been catalysts in my life that were really hard for me to handle at that stage. More recently I was told by my Doctor that I mainly struggle with Seasonal Depression and anxiety. You see, my head is a busy space. Grand Central of brains, and I retract and sort and work through things there and then I go quiet. Very quiet. And this causes even more problems because my “mood” is mistaken for rudeness. Plus I have bitchy resting face, so fun times all around.
But I don’t get to lay in bed and eat slabs of chocolate and little pots of Haägen Dazs because I’m an adult and I have responsibilities. There’s no such thing as slouching around in your pajamas with messy hair and to care for yourself. I’ve been having a few of these days as of late.
As the end of my contract creeps closer and closer, I’m left wondering what’s going to happen with our household. Our family. I lay in bed restless at night and if the slightest thought of job hunting sneaks in, I can kiss my dreams goodbye.
I guess where I’m going with this is that you just can’t always have a perfect happy sitcom life. These dark days are there to ground, and sort and file through the library that is my brain and get on with life again.
I’m now going to pull the duvet over my head in the hopes of my children thinking the bed swallowed me for real.